How To Live Like a Rockstar When You are Not One...
Popayán to Cartagena: Beating an Airline. July 29. This morning as Lucia went to have a shower before work, I was awakened by a couple moving into the dorm at about 8am. The pretty girl was apologetic in English rather than Spanish. A conversation between us took place. She was from Minnesota and asked me if I was an American. I told her I was from Big Beaver, Saskatchewan. She made a funny face and said, “I think I have...
Popayán: The Closest I Have Been to Home on the Road. July 28. I woke up next to Lucia and decided to get ready for the day. I feel at home on the road here. She took me for breakfast at Ex!to where one of her food stalls sells to patrons entering the store. She had a bathing suit delivered and we took a bus into the mountain to a volcanic area where hot springs are. We spent the day...
San Agustín to Popayán: The Best of Tricky Scenarios. July 27. I woke up this morning and had a decision to make. I could either stay another night in the hostel of the cocaine maker and see how that went, or I could go back to Popayán where three girls are not very happy with me. I decided on the later. I felt like there was less chance of being murdered there, and more chance of charm getting me out...
Popayán to San Agustín – The Worst Road in Colombia, So Far. July 25. Colombia is the type of country where a man in the center of a town square has a scale at his feet, and he will charge you C$1000 to find out your weight. Opportunistic. Colombia also calls people who want to sell you crap, ‘Snake Charmers.’ I like that. Colombia also has traffic rules but is also a ‘make your own rules’ kind of country. Many...
Medellin to Popayán: Medellin City Tour. July 24. Getting out of bed with a gorgeous naked woman at 7am when you are on vacation to go on a Medellin City Tour is difficult. I had been recommended the free Medellin City Tour by three different people, so I put my immediate thoughts of interest aside and headed for the shower. A cold water shower because there is no hot available will certainly extinguish any lingering ulterior thoughts. Our guide was a...
Cali to San Cipriano – Motorcycle Rail Trolleys 15 July I found a note that my Japanese friends from my room had left my sitting on top of my bag with their email addresses when I woke up. Apparently marijuana made me entertaining last night and they did not want to leave without giving me a way to contact them someday. Japanese are nice. Except in war… I hung out with a Chinese girl for a couple of hours after...
Popayán to Cali: Hanging Out With a Stoner. July 14. Maartje! I just want you to know that I am pretty high right now. I am in Cali. I am not sure the last time I smoked pot. Maybe in November. I was bored and I needed a weird adventure. Now I am stuck with ‘high me’ who is never very smart. That is why I hardly ever smoke pot. I am not sure why people would ever constantly want...
Popayán: Contention. July 13. There is nothing really more uninteresting than a semi-content man. Contention takes the edge off and dulls a sharp knife. I feel that right now in this awesome Colombian fling. It is why, as a journalist, settling down really does not have any appeal to me at all right now. Life with contention is too easy and awesome. But the feeling can not last as a man will get uneasy in time. So, it is nice...
Popayán: Colombian Rock Out. July 12. Table salt in Colombia comes in two forms; regular and diet. Diet salt has 40% less sodium. What is the point… Just cut the salt out. It makes me think of the massive people who came to Hard Rock Cafe and ordered a massive hamburger, french fries, onion rings, and a diet coke to drink, followed by a massive brownie sundae. Diet companies must make millions. ‘Knight Rider’ is ‘Auto Fantastico’ in Spanish. El...
Popayán: Heaven… July 11. Why is it that religious people need to try and shove their bullshit and their heaven in other people’s faces? I have made a decision on what I think. You have made a decision on what you think. Let us just leave it at that. But, no, they can not have it that way. Their system, their values, and the book where they read about an invisible policeman and heaven is outdated. We have governments to control...
Popayán: Plan A and Plan B. July 10. Learning a new language is hard to make yourself do. I try to make 35 excuses of why I do not have time to study to avoid doing it. Then as soon as I begin to study and learn, I think, “This is effing awesome. Why was I not doing this earlier and why was I putting it off?!” It is the exact same experience I have every single time I catch...
Popayán: Colombian Snack. July 9. People love my wooden sunglasses. I get a compliment on them nearly every day by someone. When people ask me, “What are they made from?” my standard response is, “I think a small Chinese child’s hands…” The reality is that it is probably entirely honest and that is pretty sad… My dates with Lucia include me carrying a Spanish/English dictionary like it is my man-purse. It is necessary for communication with her and vocabulary. My...
Popayán: My Hatred of Mass Tourism. July 8. Selfish girls piss me off. Well, selfish guys piss me off too but a selfish girl is more selfish than a selfish guy. She seems to expect more. When the football game has begun and you come to the hostel to meet your friend and I so that we can hurry and get to a television to watch the game and you show up late, make us wait longer so that you...
Popayán: The Nature of Age. July 7. My Canadian friends, Rob and Tracy, are travelling the world with a five year old. Makai is a really good little traveller and he hangs out well with the adults. They have to take him for out for doggie walks so that he can burn off some energy as is the nature of age. I am well entertained by him and their parenting process. My favourite thing he has said so far is,...
Popayán: The Phone Number. July 6. Hanging out with a beautiful Colombian woman for the day is a pretty nice day to spend one in Popayán. I met up with Lucia at 2:30pm and we went for lunch. She can not speak a word of English and my Spanish would be somewhere around 1% if I was to write a test. Last night when we were drunk, the alcohol made me intelligent enough that I could understand her. Slightly hung-over...
Popayán: This Country Rocks. July 5. The sound of a Gibson Les Paul is one of the most sexy sounds I know of. I have been listening to a lot of Guns N Roses again. Sometimes an album makes you play it, and the when you hear it again for the first time in three years or so you wonder why in the hell you had shelved the album for so long. That is what is happening to Appetite for...
July 4 This is getting out of control, but it is as much fun as I could possibly be having. Colombia has a New Gringo King! I am on a hot streak that is so awesome that I nearly burn things that I sit on… I woke up in a lot of dog hair from the shaggy creature that lives in the house of my friend Glory. Actually, Glory woke me up as she was on her phone all morning...
Popayán: My Crazy Sex Life. July 3. I have found the source. You know that ideology you have in your head about beautiful Latin-American women and you have a vague idea of where they are from but you can not pin-point the place? Well, it turns out that place is Colombia. It is crazy out there. The skinny ones are pretty. The chubby ones are pretty. If you like shopping, Colombia is two weeks before Christmas. Welcome to my crazy...
Cotacachi to Popayán: Changing Countries and Talking to Idiots. July 2. Changing countries is always hell somehow. Even as a wily veteran traveller, it is always a little bit terrifying heading into the complete unknown. By now I should be used to that slight feeling of un-comfort, yet I still feel it every time when I am changing countries. There is a new currency to learn the value of when changing countries, a new list of cities to geographically memorize...
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