They just want to sit in the house and smoke dope. I told them, “Lets go and do something fun, like fight some Indians or something…” – Fatty
I won’t put my hand on my cock. That is for sure.. – Masha, a Belgian girl
I should probably meet him. He is my future ex-husband. – Irmante
The word ‘sperm’ is used as a swear word in Brazilian Portuguese. You could say something like, “Where in the sperm is my camera?!” – Education
Me – “I wonder what makes the male versions of the seahorses male, if he is the one who gets pregnant…” Irmante – “Their attitudes.” – Irmante
Those tranny’s loved being tickled… – Scottie
About his new baby boy – “It is amazing how much you love the little shit as soon as he is born. It makes me think about how much more I could have got away with as a kid.” – Fatty
I was trying the phone number from the pamphlet, and trying it, but I could not get it to work. Finally I went down to the front desk and they told me, “That’s the postal code.” – Scottie
The highlight of my day was when I had to carry a heavy propane tank for the stove in the house down from a bar high up in the favela where Csilla bought it. Irmante asked me if she could help to carry half of it, which I readily agreed. Then Csilla came up behind us and asked, “Is there any way I can get in there with you two?” I told her, “I have been waiting for a girl to ask me that question when I was with another girl for my whole life, and finally it gets asked. Unfortunately though, it is when the other girl and I are carrying a propane tank.” How anti-climatic…. – Csilla
When we went to leave the Argentinean embassy, Irmante asked them where the Paraguayan consulate is located. The man confirmed that it had been in the building we had looked at that was about to be demolished. She asked the Argentinean official if he knew where the Paraguayan consulate had been moved. He told us, “I do not know. I think that all of the Paraguayans just went home.” – Education
It is a good thing that Metallica decided to suck and wanted to become mainstream in 1991. If it had not been for that, I would have not have had so much exposure to them, and I would not have gone through their back catalog and I would not know just how incredible they were and I would only know them about as well as I know Pantera today, which is hardly at all, and that is not good enough. So Metallica, thanks for going through a suck so that I could be exposed to how much you rocked. – Self Realization
Finally, we decided to find our own little street bench to drink beer, away from the crowd where we could interact with cars better in our isolation. We were like hookers sitting there waiting, in hopes of being picked up. We wanted locals to get us in their back seats and drive us around to show us their town. It was an interesting psychological test. It is clear that we are foreigners and we were really like hookers sitting there. Men in cars would make a circle, and when we would make eye contact and wave, they would get shy and would usually not be brave enough to drive past us again. The only car that stopped and wanted us to get in was with two Paraguayan men, and the driver was so drunk that his eyes were half closed. I grew up on drinking and driving in my culture at home when I was young, but there was no way we were getting in a car with drunk Paraguayans driving. But, at least I know the psychological game of prostitution from a distance. Though, I now am not sure if hookers are the predators or the prey… – Self Realization
On the $28,000 (Paraguayan guaranie) bus ride to Asunción, our driver would stop to pick up hawkers on the road, who would get on the bus to try to sell chipas or drinks. They would ride for about a kilometre to try to sell their goods to us, and then the bus would drop them back off on the side of the road again. Our bus driver nearly hit a bull crossing the highway, and at one point he stopped the loaded bus on the side of the road, got out, had a pee in front of the bus, got back on, and we were off again. – Education
Irmante – “You know seven sneezes is the equivalent to an orgasm?”
Beaver – “That would explain why I am sweaty and exhausted…”
Irmante – “You just had an orgasm and a half.”
– EducationIrmante – “Oh that restaurant has those German things, what are they called?”
Beaver – “Bratwurst?”
Irmante – “No.”
Beaver – “Gas chambers?”
Irmante – “No.”
Beaver – “Schnitzel?”
Irmante – “Yes.”
– Education‘Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.’
– Russell Neely (An older black man I met in New York in 2004)Uruguay, a country where your legal lesbian wife can smoke a joint while having an abortion – EducationThe Rio de la Plata that runs along the banks of this Montevideo, Uruguay, is the widest river in the world; 220 kilometers of girth. – Education
Irmante asked me what I thought the first meal the 1972 Uruguayan rugby team plane crash survivors ate after 72 days marooned in the Andes in which they had to eat the deceased. I guessed, “Vegetarian.” – Education
Swastica in German is ‘Hackencross!’ (Hakenkruz). That word is even scary to write… – Education
Said with a Spanish accent – “I think Beaver, that you are actually a rockstar, just that you do not have a band.” – Felipe
Guy on walking tour – “How long are you in Buenos Aires for?” Irmante – “I am broke now, so I might have to live here.” – Irmante
Yes I am smiling but you’re not the reason anymore. – Seen on a t-shirt in Buenos Aires
I headed out in Buenos Aires and found cheap pizza. A slice was the equivalent of $0.85 U.S. I ordered a slice and a beer, but all I had was the equivalent of a $1 or a $10 for bills. The lady behind the counter told me that I was not allowed to have a beer and took my $1 for the pizza so that she would not have to give me change for the $10. Awesome! Things like that make me smile. Never in North America or Europe: they would never miss a sale and more income. Maybe money is not so important in cultures here, and perhaps that makes the people happier… – Self Realization
Irmante – “They can have hooves and claws disease.” Beaver – “You mean hoof and mouth disease?” – Irmante on Cows
“In my mind, I’m so much older than you.” (We are about a decade apart). – Irmante to Me
Barnaby is like a Monday. He comes too early. – Irmante
Pudero the trucker told us that many Chilean women love to bleach their hair blond. He said they are called ‘Taxis’: Yellow on top and black on the bottom! – Puedro the Trucker
Just before we left for the tour, Doton from Israel asked to leave his backpack in my hostel room. I told him I wanted 10 Bolivianas for storage. He said, “How about 5?” I said, “You really are Jewish!” He liked that. – Entertainment
My cousin came to London to visit and he really enjoyed. Shame we couldn’t party hard because I’ve been busy working and he has diabetes and needs a kidney. – Carlos
I could have paid $80B (about $11.15 U.S.) for my bus, but I found a cheaper one for $70B (about $10 U.S.) instead for the 18+ hour ride. I found out that the cheaper bus in Bolivia means that you will have to listen to some a-hole with a bible in his hands standing in the aisle go on and on about fairy-tales in Christianity. I thanked god for the first time in years, that I am slow to learn Spanish. A couple of hours later as we were driving through a village, the same a-hole had a blow-horn out the window and he was preaching to the people of the town as we were briefly stopped. A little while later I toddler child on the bus tried to befriend the a-hole and he would have nothing to do with her at all. I wanted to pull on his beard and smash his blow-horn over his head. I think there is no lower specimen of life on earth than the ‘good’ Christian hypocrite. Be sweet the child a-hole. – Self Realization
