The Fun Job Interview
The Fun Job Interview.
I was up at 05:00 this morning to do my final and third segment of the interview for a job I am hoping to line up this summer. I had to be on Skype at 07:00 my time as that was 14:00 in London. The job interview was by three random people in theor office: A Polish girl, a German girl, and a Romanian guy. They asked me random questions from a deck of question cards. Then also asked me questions which they drew from a hat. It was really casual and a lot of fun.
These were the questions they asked in the job interview…
*(Job interview questions asked are in italics. My job interview answers are in spoken word.)
What song reminds you of a time of your life?
“Every song that I have ever heard before in my life reminds me of that time in my life. It is hard for me to be specific about certain songs, but I can do it by artist catalogue. For example, The Beatles slogan on the wall behind you…the Beatles are my favorite band. I spent a year studying them, living in a van with a beautiful German girl that I was shacked up with, making a circle of Australia. We had a bad-ass van with flames painted on the doors and rams horns mounted on the roo-bars. For a year we listened almost exclusively to The Beatles that were blasting out of the van windows everywhere we went. So, anytime I hear Beatles songs, they remind me of that entire period. I can not narrow down specific songs, but I can do it with artists!”
If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?
“I would choose the ability to manipulate time. I would like to be able to slow it down and speed it up. Like you guys who live away from home, I have not lived at home for years either. And when I go to a wedding at home, there are 400 people there and I know everyone…there are so many people that it seems like the party should be for me. There are always many people that I have not seen in 7 or 10 years. By the time I get through with making my hellos to everyone, the four hours or so of the night are over, just greeting everyone, and I did not even get to perform for them yet! So, I wish I could find a way to slow down that time. And then when I am working a 12 hour shift, just like I will be as soon as this interview finishes, I would like to really be able to crank up that speed.
Also, if I could control the speed of time, it would vastly improve my sexual performance.
….I am great every time!”
If you could choose a concert to see tonight, who would it be and why?
“I would love to see Elvis Presley. I would like to see the King in action where all of the women in the front rows are fainting just at being near him. And I would like to see him wiping his sweat onto towels and then giving the towels to women as a keepsake. Ridiculous!”
If you could choose one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
“Well, I would like to choose a food group, but if I can not, I would choose pineapple as it is my favorite fruit. I am sure one would develop ulcers from the acidity of it, but until then I would be healthy and stay fit.”
What is your best ever Halloween costume?
“Well, I have two of them. Halloween is my favorite holiday! One was in 2013 when I was living in Dublin and I went out as a Kissing Booth. The costume was a square around my body with curtains and everything that said ‘Kisses Only 25¢’ on the bottom of it. Men were giving me 50¢ pieces and saying, “Kiss these two girls,” and so I would. That was amazing…and then half way through the night I realized that I could make-out with the girls kissing me because it was Halloween, so I started doing that instead for the rest of the night!
(They loved that and were in hysterics laughing).
“But, probably the best Halloween costume I ever had was in about 2004 when I was still in university in Canada. I went as a French maid, but I wanted to be the ugliest French maid ever. So, I grew out my beard for about 10 days and had this awful stubble. As well, I am a very hairy man and the costume had this short blouse-thing that allowed a lot of my hair on my chest and belly to be exposed. Then I tried on fishnet stockings, but they were not trashy enough for me so I actually shaved fishnet stockings into my leg hair. It was pretty terrible. I am very slight, and there were women that knew me in the bar who were saying, ‘Stephen Harris, I wish I had your body!’ I learned a lot that night. I learned that women do not have pockets and there is no place to carry anything. I had to carry my bank card, my ID and my money in my sock. But the worst past was when I was standing at the top of a set of stairs in the bar. There was a guy at the bottom of the stairs and I caught him looking at me. He was checking me out and I watched him go with his eyes up my legs, past my torso and up towards my neck until he saw my face, realized I was a man, and then looked away quickly and awkwardly. It was awful. I felt violated. So I understand what you ladies feel!”
*There is no telling from the job interview if I will get the gig, but if I do not, they seemed to have been entertained and we all had a great time…