The Fun Job Interview

  • IMG_20150228_011312912
    My fishnet stockings.
  • The Fun Job Interview
  • The Beatles
  • Elvis Towel

The Fun Job Interview.
I was up at 05:00 this morning to do my final and third segment of the interview for a job I am hoping to line up this summer.  I had to be on Skype at 07:00 my time as that was 14:00 in London.  The job interview was by three random people in theor office: A Polish girl, a German girl, and a Romanian guy.  They asked me random questions from a deck of question cards.  Then also asked me questions which they drew from a hat.  It was really casual and a lot of fun.

These were the questions they asked in the job interview…

*(Job interview questions asked are in italics.  My job interview answers are in spoken word.)

What song reminds you of a time of your life?
“Every song that I have ever heard before in my life reminds me of that time in my life.  It is hard for me to be specific about certain songs, but I can do it by artist catalogue.  For example, The Beatles slogan on the wall behind you…the Beatles are my favorite band.  I spent a year studying them, living in a van with a beautiful German girl that I was shacked up with, making a circle of Australia.  We had a bad-ass van with flames painted on the doors and rams horns mounted on the roo-bars.  For a year we listened almost exclusively to The Beatles that were blasting out of the van windows everywhere we went.  So, anytime I hear Beatles songs, they remind me of that entire period.  I can not narrow down specific songs, but I can do it with artists!”The Fun Job Interview

If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?
“I would choose the ability to manipulate time.  I would like to be able to slow it down and speed it up.  Like you guys who live away from home, I have not lived at home for years either.  And when I go to a wedding at home, there are 400 people there and I know everyone…there are so many people that it seems like the party should be for me.  There are always many people that I have not seen in 7 or 10 years.  By the time I get through with making my hellos to everyone, the four hours or so of the night are over, just greeting everyone, and I did not even get to perform for them yet!  So, I wish I could find a way to slow down that time.  And then when I am working a 12 hour shift, just like I will be as soon as this interview finishes, I would like to really be able to crank up that speed.
Also, if I could control the speed of time, it would vastly improve my sexual performance.
(laughter)
Just kidding…
….I am great every time!”
(more laughter)

The Fun Job InterviewIf you could choose a concert to see tonight, who would it be and why?
“I would love to see Elvis Presley.  I would like to see the King in action where all of the women in the front rows are fainting just at being near him.  And I would like to see him wiping his sweat onto towels and then giving the towels to women as a keepsake.  Ridiculous!”

If you could choose one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
“Well, I would like to choose a food group, but if I can not, I would choose pineapple as it is my favorite fruit.  I am sure one would develop ulcers from the acidity of it, but until then I would be healthy and stay fit.”

What is your best ever Halloween costume?
“Well, I have two of them.  Halloween is my favorite holiday!  One was in 2013 when I was living in Dublin and I went out as a Kissing Booth.  The costume was a square around my body with curtains and everything that said ‘Kisses Only 25¢’ on the bottom of it.  Men were giving me 50¢ pieces and saying, “Kiss these two girls,” and so I would.  That was amazing…and then half way through the night I realized that I could make-out with the girls kissing me because it was Halloween, so I started doing that instead for the rest of the night!
(They loved that and were in hysterics laughing).The Fun Job INterview
“But, probably the best Halloween costume I ever had was in about 2004 when I was still in university in Canada.  I went as a French maid, but I wanted to be the ugliest French maid ever.  So, I grew out my beard for about 10 days and had this awful stubble.  As well, I am a very hairy man and the costume had this short blouse-thing that allowed a lot of my hair on my chest and belly to be exposed.  Then I tried on fishnet stockings, but they were not trashy enough for me so I actually shaved fishnet stockings into my leg hair.  It was pretty terrible.  I am very slight, and there were women that knew me in the bar who were saying, ‘Stephen Harris, I wish I had your body!’  I learned a lot that night.  I learned that women do not have pockets and there is no place to carry anything.  I had to carry my bank card, my ID and my money in my sock.  But the worst past was when I was standing at the top of a set of stairs in the bar.  There was a guy at the bottom of the stairs and I caught him looking at me.  He was checking me out and I watched him go with his eyes up my legs, past my torso and up towards my neck until he saw my face, realized I was a man, and then looked away quickly and awkwardly.  It was awful.  I felt violated.  So I understand what you ladies feel!”

The Fun Job Interview

My fishnet stockings.

*There is no telling from the job interview if I will get the gig, but if I do not, they seemed to have been entertained and we all had a great time…

 

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