Modern Toilet – A Quirky and Shitty Restaurant.
June 12 (cont’d).
Mark, Jamie and I got ready and headed to Modern Toilet, a restaurant I had read about where you actually eat from small porcelain toilets and drink from tiny urinals.  It was too peculiar and quirky for me to miss while I was visiting Taipei, Taiwan.  The dishes were named after feces and the seats at the tables were real toilets with the lids down…

Modern Toilet Restaurant, Taipei, Taiwan.

On the sign to enter the restaurant, there was a photo of a loose sausage in a bun called ‘Modern Toilet Turd Sub Sandwich.’

Modern Toilet Turd Sub Sandwich

You could get Triple Sausages which were coiled, and add Modern Toilet Poop Meatballs to them.  Why not get some Modern Toilet Bread which was also coiled up in a shape like soft ice cream?  The theme to greet you on the way in to Modern Toilet was a set of three toilets, one of which was overflowing with a curly pile of dung.  The wall of the entrance was aligned with animated turds with happy worms coming out of them.  Well, this should be a treat…

Piles of dung and happy worms! What a time to be alive.

As we were seated, Mark said, “Welcome to the decline of civilization…”  How accurate.  We had signed up for the opportunity to pay and pretend to eat shit and not die…

Mark described it as, “The ultimate capitalist fantasy…selling people shit to eat.”

The Modern Toilet menu.

After we had been sitting for about 15 minutes, waiting for our meals, Jamie said to me, “This is not comfortable.”  She was right.  Sitting on a toilet seat for an extended period of time is not cozy at all.  Sure you have done it while your girlfriend or boyfriend was in the shower, but have you ever sat down on a toilet seat to have meal?  I sure hope not.  Well, I guess that depends on the meal…

Modern Toilet set-up.

Lounging on toilets. What an age we live in!

I was served soup that had corn in it.  Someone really put a lot of thought into the whole concept…

My tea came in a small toilet cup.  I have yelled at dogs for drinking from the toilet.  No one bothered to yell at me…

What a time to be alive…

Check out the decor behind Mark and Jamie.

My meal came in small bathtub, as did Jamie’s.  Mark’s came in a small porcelain toilet.  He felt repulsed by his plate, and I was disappointed that I did not get his, so we traded.  We both won on the deal.

My porcelain plate apparatus.

Overall, the Modern Toilet food was pretty shitty and tasteless.

There is an overlap in what I am saying here.  I am not sure what shit tastes like, but I know what lousy food tastes like.  The word shitty can be used to describe either.  In this case, it was shitty as in ‘lousy food’ though it is possible that shit tastes the same.  In any case, I wondered if the food tasting shitty was part of the master-plan…a subliminal message:

“How is the food?”
“It is shit!”

This was the sign at Modern Toilet to show you where the bathrooms are located.

Jamie did not finish her meal and asked to have it boxed.  I told the waitress as she was taking it away, “It’s too shitty to eat right now.”  The waitress laughed.  I am sure she has heard it all before.  It was a new joke for me though and my friends enjoyed it, though I was being more honest than humorous.  We were given free ice-cream as a part of the meal.  If you guessed the ice cream was chocolate, you are a Smartie-pants!  Can you guess how the ice-cream looked?  Of course you can.  If you imagined coiled, you are really keeping up here…

When the waitress brought our desert to the table I asked her, “Is the ice cream as shitty was the meal was.”  She still thought I was funny thought it is hard to know if I actually was or not…  The chocolate ice cream turned out to be watery and flavourless.  It was actually the shittiest ice cream ever.

Modern Toilet ice cream.

Overall, it was a pretty crappy meal at Modern Toilet.  The experience was fun, but if I was to describe the food, I would say it was pretty much a turd-sandwich.  However, the puns were fun.

When we decided to head home, Mark looked at me and said, “Let’s get outta this shit-hole!”

You said it, pal!

Modern Toilet Turd Sub Sandwich, Triple Sausages, or Modern Toilet Poop Meatballs.

Welcome to Modern Toilet.

Upon entering the restaurant.

Seats at Modern Toilet.

Modern Toilet Bread

The sink for washing your hands at Modern Toilet.

My cup of tea.

Mark, being a regular shithead at Modern Toilet.

One very happy shitty family.