Quotes

The Flow of Life

I am overpaid and oversexed: it is a really bizarre phase of life right now…

Family Smooching?

We left her house and she drove me to a barber shop. When we walked I guess I brought a lot of energy because there were about 10 people in there and everyone was looking at her and I. One of the barbers was asking if she was my wife. For fun I told the shop that she was my sister and then I kissed her passionately on the lips when we sat down.

Life…

I have a habit of going to a counter of a store and if there are four people behind the counter, I go to the pretty girl. Every. Time. And that is a terrible idea and habit that I need to break. In a home-builders store like Rona, nine times out of ten, she never knows what I am looking for when I describe it. This pattern happens all of the time. After she can not find it, the older...

Fort McMurray, Alberta

I had to get supplies for work and pick up some garden hoes from a store. They were pre-ordered by my company and the girl began handing me six hoes that were wrapped together. I asked, “A six-pack of hoes…?” She nodded. I said, “They may be new and clean hoes right now but they are going to be dirty hoes by the time I am through with them.” She really enjoyed that.

Fort McMurray, Alberta

Last night a pack of wolves came down the road at work. I was looking at their tracks this morning on the way in. They arrived at about 4km mark of the road and stayed on it for 5km to within about 70 meters of our office yard in the forest. Tonight after everyone left and I was alone as security in the yard, one of the electrical generators was freezing up and giving trouble. I went out and I...

Working in Fort McMurray, Alberta

I watched both of the Smokey and the Bandit movies on consecutive nights in order to improve my CB radio banter at work. It did wonders. I have never watched either of those movies before and only knew of the glory from legendary stories. I sure want to own a 1977 Trans Am, a felt cowboy had, and a red leather jacket now though… The CB banter research seems to have be effective as a couple of days later one...

The More You Know…

My friend called tonight and told me that he went on a website called something like ‘Service-dogs Canada’ and he registered his dog for $80. It is legitimate and now that he has registered his dog as a service dog, he can take it anywhere, including on planes and into restaurants. His dog can legally go anywhere and it has a little vest that it wears. I asked him what he said that dog’s service was. He said he put...

People in Fort McMurray, Alberta

He told me how he used to sell cocaine when he was in high school. He said that he was making as much as $3,000 a night sometimes and he had over $50,000 in cash at one point… This was while he was still in high school. He said he had the best clothes money could buy and the best phone. But strange things started happening and his phone would ring and no one would speak. And his Facebook account...

Working in Fort McMurray, Alberta

I went to work today and picked on two guys who got drunk last night and slept in. One was found passed out in the other’s room, but they live in the same hotel. So, the whole crew was all over them about that today. One passed out on the couch and the other on the bed, but we ignored that fact. My best line to them today was, “I am surprised you guys slept in and the one of...

Fort McMurray People

A guy recently told me that he has a friend who cheated on his wife with another girl. He continued to sleep with his wife after, but then the girl he had cheated with told him that she had chlamydia. So, the guy went to the doctor and got medication to get rid of the virus. He said that a person has to go into the doctor for the prescription, but the guy begged and pleaded with the doctor for...

Fatty

He told me, “I just have to wash the dishes to the point where my new roommate realizes I suck at it. I mean, that’s not me. At home me and Karlee have a system, where…she does the dishes.”

Julie

She said, “This situation of ours is moving along quickly. You are not wearing pants and we are eating soup in the dark…”

The Fascination of Dream Mode

I had crazy dreams last night. It is really bizarre how dreams feel so familiar where you have been to a specific building before which you enter in your dream. You are comfortable entering the building because you have been to it many times before in dreams, even though it has always been a fictional place that does not exist. However, it has existed several times to you in your sleep. You could never draw a floor-plan of the building...

Learning and Growing

It is amazing how you can try to treat yourself right and put yourself to bed early because you need the rest you have been lacking but something in you wakes up on the middle of the night and is like, “Nope! This is ridiculous. You were in bed at 20:00. You are not seven! Is midnight now and we are staying awake until 04:22. You will not try and do this to us again I will bet…!” Internal rebellionism.

Julie

Me – “Oh yeah, I had a huge crush on Becky from Full House. I still have a massive crush on her today because of my crush from then.” Her – “You had a just fantasy about her…. I was sexually confused as a little girl because of her!”

Julie

She told me that during the fires in Fort McMurray everyone got along and all social and racial issues subsided as everyone just wanted to help each other. All social barriers broke down. She was on her parent’s land with 38 other people who had come there for refuge. She said that it was interesting how all of the animals got along. The cats and the dogs were calm. The big dogs and the small dogs paid each other no...

The Finer Parts of Employment

If you are going to work and you have to keep a pocket-full of condoms in your work-shirt, your job is not so bad…

Fort McMurray, Alberta

As I was waiting I went to use the bathroom and as I was standing at the sink, a man in hard, late, 50’s with long hair came out of the toilet stall and slurred to me as he was shuffling out, “I was not in there taking a shit… I was rolling…a joint. So, I don’t have…to wash my hands.” I was laughing, and I said, “Nope…you are right. I would not judge you anyhow pal…” I like that...

Northern Alberta Wolf

It was 05:45 as I was driving down the highway, close to Anzac, when I saw a wolf coming down the road. It was dark, but in the lights of my pick-up he looked almost white with some gray in him. He was not running nor walking, but rather seemed to be trotting and looked like he was prancing as a horse does to lift his legs high as he moved. He was coming towards me in my lane of...

Julie

She told me that she was at another job and someone told her, “You are an Industrial 10, and a Town 7.”

Fatty

We were pulled over for forgetting to turn our headlights on. Fatty was hoping the cop would ask him if he had anything to drink and give him the breathalyzer because he was going to respond with, “I have not had a drink in years, but you can blow me if you want…” The policeman did not ask, but Fatty probably would have gotten a ticket for the lights had he been able to use that line. The response would...

Personal Gas Toxicity

At work I had to have a gas monitor with me as we were working near some valves that could potentially release some kind of gas that I would not smell. A guy at work told me that it will detect and sound the alarm for ‘personal gas.’ No way! We were in the pick-up truck a little later and I put the gas monitor in my cover-alls… I decided to make a test. It took about 10 seconds, nearly...

Homeless Muscle Builder

On the way to drive me home, my friend and I stopped at a gas station and a bum standing outside hit me up for some money. I brought him into the store and told him to pick whatever he wanted. He said, “All of it!” I thought that was pretty funny! He eventually settled on a $5.70 bottle of ‘Muscle Milk’. I agreed that it was a good idea and that we needed to keep him strong. After I...

Space Thoughts

The Apollo 10 mission astronauts hit a peak of 24,790 mph (relative to earth) on their way back the planet. That is 416 miles/minute. That is 6.9 miles/second. I had never thought about that speed before. Whoa…

Fort McMurray, Alberta

We were talking about accents. I asked him, “But you know what Shakespeare English sounds like right. You took it in school, right?” He relied, “I never took it in school. I heard what it sounds like on The Simpson’s once though…” Wow…

Fatty

Fatty was worried about parking his truck outside and did not want to lose his rife in case someone broke into his truck. So, at 22:00, he carried a rifle in his hands as we walked down the street to my hotel from where he parked. I asked, “I wonder if people are going to be freaked out by us?” He said, “I bet no one will fuck with us…”

Fatty

We were at the roulette table. I did not want to gamble, but Fatty wanted me to play as well. We were playing red/black and lost three in a row. We were betting on the same color, but then when I went on black he went on red. I commented on him going against me. He said, “Well, at least one of us will win. Watch, it will hit double-zero. If that happens we will cash out and leave.” It...

Fort McMurray, Alberta

He said that he nearly got an escort last night. He told us, “I got her down the $150.” I asked him if that gets him a whole night? He responded, “One nut. That’s it.” What an expression…

Fort McMurray, Alberta

Today at work, we had a good chat about life and how the world turns. He then told me, “In five years of working out here, I have never had this in-depth of a conversation. Conversations out here are always about tits, trucks, booze and drugs.” Awesome.