Magic Mushrooms – Tales of Fungus Frenzy
March 2004
Kirsten and Magic
Mushroom Housewarming
I like to tell people that if you get a new girlfriend, you should eat magic mushrooms with her as it is a good way to get to know who each other really are. I had been dating Kirsten for a couple of months when we decided to go on such an adventure. We were sitting at the table eating them as the sun was just beginning to set.
It took a while for the mushrooms to find us, but eventually the magical fungi got Kirsten and I got really high. Once it got late enough into the night, we decided to go for a walk though the city from her house to mine. We were laughing and giggling the whole time. There were times when we were hiding behind light-poles and jumping out in the dark with fingers like guns, pretending we were secret agents. It was a lot of fun. When we were extremely high, we came upon a children’s playground. It had been a long time since I had spent time on a swing-set, and it was incredible to feel those feelings as the wind rushes past your face while your stomach has a motional battle to decide whether magical mushroom swinging feels good or bad…
It took us a while, but eventually we arrived at the courtyard where my townhouse was located. I never locked the door of the townhouse that my roommates and I lived in, and the house was vacant with no lights on. Kirsten and I were standing in the middle of the courtyard looking at my house and it just looked so sad to us, so we decided to turn on some lights in the house to make it look cheerful. Kirsten said that she would go into the house to turn on various lights to make it look happy and I would stand out in the courtyard to direct her with which lights helped the most. Then after we had fixed the sad house, we would stand outside in the courtyard again to revel at the bliss that we had brought to my home. That was the plan…
Inside for just a moment, Kirsten stuck her head back out of the door again and said, “Look a hat…!” She had found a cowboy hat in the house that she had on her head. She was going to make it happy as well. It was funny. She went back in and turned on the living room light. Then she hurried up stairs and was trying different lights to maximize home happiness. I was in the courtyard yelling to her inside the house, “Turn Cheryl’s bedroom light on! Good! Turn Kyle’s light on! No, turn Kyle’s light off! Turn Kohler’s light on!” while she ran though the house to switch lights on and off. Suddenly a man shouted down at me from a townhouse bedroom, “HEY! Keep it down out there. You are far too loud for 1am on a Wednesday!” I had not even thought about that as time had been totally irrelevant to us. All Kirsten and I had cared really about was how happy the house looked and had not considered what time it could be or what day it might be. We just had a mission to spread happiness. Kirsten came back outside and we marveled at our jubilant masterpiece!
One happy house!
We walked to a park and we were sitting on some grass, talking about how good we were at making the world joyful when Kirsten said, “And you know what else is happy? The hat!” She was still wearing the cowboy hat. She was awesome! We had a hard time getting up off the grass to go home but it was time to go to bed at my cheerfully illuminated home. Later that night Kirsten got sick from the mushrooms and had to rush upstairs to the toilet to throw-up. As she was vomiting, she was yelling at the mushrooms as they were coming out of her, “Blaaaah! You! Blaaaah! You! You made me sick….blaaaah!” Magic mushrooms…even at your worst, they are still fun!
January 2005
Rockstar R-Honda and Magic Mushroom Fungi Combined with Full-On Ridiculi
“SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX
So it was like this, I met Stephen in English 252 – not an outstanding introduction as he hated me cuz he thought I was out to steal his fire – turns out we just burned in the same flame – one hot horny crazy flame.
All Stephen wrote poetry about was sex – and I thought – how does this hick from who knows where (later learned his passion for beaver came from growing up in a Big Beaver) get any pussy at all – his poetry was low budget so I didn’t think he swooned them that way… All that cheap metaphor about riding horses and hay humping fests – But then – I MET Stephen – the real fuckin CRAZY fucked Stephen – And he told stories about women & humping road kill and Earl and he’d always ask me – R-Honda, what do you want to hear a story about – sex, drugs or rock & roll? Pick one, pick ‘em all – Stephen’s seen & done it all so the stories were ridiculously funny, proving Stephen to be a little bit shady, but still an amazing guy. Hell, I even agreed to hook up with him when he needed to have his #50 notched into his sinner belt – I will be waiting a long time for that sure to be orgasmic experience – DAMN VIRGIN STEPHEN.
R-Honda.”
Jan 19th – 2005
So, I am on a really big tear right now. It is 5:02am on a Wed.., nope, Thursday. I went to go to practice with a band tonight. I was in bed by 1am and then at 2:30am, roommate Cheryl came home and brought a party. I stayed in bed and avoided it for about an hour. Finally, a very drunk Cheryl came downstairs and ripped the covers off of my bed and saw me naked. I had no choice but to agree to go upstairs and party. The living-room party-crew had weed so I smoked it with them and got pretty high. Then I had a beer with them. Then the party started to wind down so I just rocked out to the music. Finally, we got rid of everyone and Cheryl came back into the living room. I made her stand on top of my amplifier and make a muscle pose so that I could take a good picture of her because it was the drunkest I had ever seen her. Now everyone is gone and I am high. I do not feel like going to bed yet so I am rocking out to the Foo Fighters ‘One By One’ album. I cleaned up the house a little and I am going to do the dishes.
I have been on a really big bender lately and I am having a tricky time seeing the end of it. Fuck me tomorrow is already the weekend. Fuck…! I have only taken off this past Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday since sometime in December. My new year’s plans are not coming together well. I have not even tried juggling one time and I only practiced the Moonwalk once, and that was probably 10 days ago now.
Fuck the dishes, I had better talk about Rockstar R-Honda…. What a piece of work that one is. She is one of my favorite people I have ever met. Sometimes you meet someone who’s personality and your personality are dynamite when they are around each other because each feed off of each other so well. That is Rhonda and I. Her and I are Fire & Fire! Today she left and moved to Australia. Thank goodness or I would have fallen in love with her. Wow she and I are a good time! I do not know if she has partied this hard for a while. I think I brought out the crazy in her. I knew it was in there. I mean, I had her humping and pretending to have orgies with Beaner and I and a dead deer on the side of the road.
This past Thursday was absolutely out of control. I just went over to have a drink with her at her house before she left. She was packing up her apartment and we wound up getting completely smashed, trying to finish all of the booze in her house. Then we called Kohler and see if he wanted to go to the bar at 1am. He came over and as we were going to leave, Rhonda reached through her things and grabbed a old baggie of magic mushrooms, asking me if I know anyone who wants them so that she does not have to throw them out. I suggested, “Why don’t we eat them?” I do not think she had considered that. We ate them together and went to the bar. A short while later I was ordering a drink at JD’s and my legs started tingling. That is the first thing I feel when I eat mushrooms, and my brain wondered, ‘Why do your legs feel like you have eaten mushrooms Stephen?’ Then I recalled, ‘It is because you have eaten mushrooms!’ Because I had been drinking, I did not understand my body it at first, but then I remembered and got very excited. I ran over to Rhonda to remind her and tell her that my legs had found the mushrooms.
Rhonda and I found collective insanity on the dance floor. All of a sudden some girl that I knew in the bar was giving me shit. I did not comprehend why she was mad at me at first and then I understood that I had spilled my beer all over her while Rhonda and I were dancing like maniacs. I went to apologize and as I did I accidentally poked her in the eye with my beer bottle. Later in the bar Rhonda and I were secret agents with guns and we would jump out around corners at people. When I went to the men’s bathroom to pee, there were three urinals lined up along a wall. I started peeing in one, and I was enjoying it so much what I just started peeing in all of them, walking sideways while peeing and going from one end of the row to the other end. A man walked in as I was doing this and he started laughing at me. I told him, “I am sorry buddy. Just give me a second here. I am on mushrooms and my pee is blue.” He really enjoyed that and stayed out of my way waiting patiently for me to finish. I washed my hands, went outside to find Rhonda and told her about the color of my pee. She exclaimed, “Awe, I want blue pee too!”
We finally left the bar and go to her house and then I talked her into putting on rollerblades and I would go running through the hallways of the apartment and pull her as she hung onto the back of my shirt. It did not work out as well as the image I had in my mind of how it was going to happen. We had a bad wreck when we hit a wall and then I fell on her and almost broke her ankle. Fuck we were fun. We woke her sister Kat, and when she came out of her room Rhonda and I were yelling at each other just talking to each other. Ah magic mushrooms…!
Then on Sunday I met up with Rhonda at a bar called ‘2044.’ I was with Laurie Gall. As we went into the bar there were two levels, and the dance-floor was sunk into a lower level of the floor. Laurie and I were standing above the dance-floor, looking down and the girls below. I spotted Rhonda and I was watching her. She was fucking hammered and having fun. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and came towards where Laurie and I were. I was a standing a floor-level above her, but she scaled the wall in heels to get up to me from the dance-floor and once we were at the same height she told me that she loved me. There was a railing between us that kept people from falling down onto the dance-floor below that I had been leaning against while I was watching her. We were face to face as she stood on the other side of the railing with the dance floor directly below her. A bouncer saw her and came running over yelling, “GET DOWN!” She looked at him and asked, “Do you mean get down?” as she motioned towards the dance-floor below with her eyes, “Or do you mean get dowwwn?” and she did a little wiggle-dance for him!” It was amazing.
So, I tried to behave myself for the week but went to her house yesterday. Fuck, I just realized I was there on Tuesday too. Anyhow, she told me that she might marry me someday. That is two girls this month as Jenna Baker said that as well when I was in Winnipeg last weekend. Anyhow, I had one drink with Rhonda and came home. Then Becky called me, nope, sorry, Tara called me to go to Becky’s house and I took only four beer with me so that I would behave myself. Nope. I wound up in a game of ‘Pass-Out’ and got bombed with Tara and Becky. Tara squeezed milk out of her boob for us and it went at least 4-6 feet. It was crazy weird to see that. Anyhow, I should not have left those girls because I never get to see them together anymore and it was fun. But at 2am and went to Rhonda’s for her last night and helped her friend Dustin finish off the rest of her booze.
I was drinking whiskey, scotch, vodka, Irish cream, and hot chocolate. Whoa, that did a job on me. I was wearing a bicycle helmet and doing flips using my head. I must have entertained them because I woke up this morning and everyone was giggling and smiling at me. I woke up snuggled up to Rhonda, but in my clothes. Then I went to psychology class so that I could see if Kayla wants to go snowboarding with me on Saturday. I noticed a bulge in my pocket in class so I reached in to see what was in there. I pulled out this little set of panties that were black with red cat eyes cut in the front of them. I think they may have been Rhonda’s sister, Kat’s, and think she gave them to me. This morning when I was leaving Rhonda’s her friend Dustin was calling me ‘Captain Panty’ which did not make any sense to me at the time, but after finding the panties I vaguely remembered wearing them as a hat. In class I also found a Jim Beam glow in the dark stir-stick in my pocket. Wow I am on a bender!
Anyhow, I made my goodbyes to Rhonda this morning. She is off to Australia for five months. Thanks for stopping by for a bit Rhonda. That was a really good time. Fuck I like really cool girls…the popular party girl of her small town now in the big city. Fuck she is great (6:14am).
